Help! My student hates me

Not too long ago, a teacher and I conversed about students who, no matter what you as the teacher do, just hate you.

You work on rapport-building; you smile at them daily; you compliment them. You explain as carefully as possible that you want what's best for them. Still, they won't budge. They won't do anything for you, because they hate you and everything about your class

As a veteran teacher, who has worked with every kind of kid imaginable, I like to think I have a solution for everything. This one, though has me stumped. No matter how engaging your class and how friendly you may be, some students bring a particular personality that just isn't going to mesh with yours.

So, what do you do when a student hates you?

Shelly Terrell challenges you to "reveal their strengths"

In her 30 Goal Challenge, educator/presenter/blogger, Shelly Terrell, encourages teachers to improve their interactions with students and colleagues in 30 specific ways.

In Goal #4, she challenges us to "Reveal their strengths."

Are you ready to take the challenge?

Traditionalists still struggle with discipline problems

Here is a paraphrased conversation I walked in on, between two long-time teachers, struggling with discipline problems in the classroom:

Teacher A: "Every time there is noise in the hallway, we need to gather the students, leave the building and walk back in again in silence."
Teacher B: "Back in my day, we used to take one kid and put him in front of the others and. . . ." (You can complete the sentence with whatever horrible, demeaning act that comes to mind.)
Teacher A: "We can't do anything too extreme now, but I'm telling you, if you make them do something over and over, until they say, 'Enough already,' things will change."
Teacher B: "I just don't know. . ."

Normally, I'll jump in on these debates; in fact, both of these valued colleagues have  heard my opinion on using results-only learning strategies to solve the behavior problems that continue to plague them. This time, though, I said nothing.

I only pondered the conversation, wondering how long the traditionalists will continue to struggle.

Are you building bridges with your students?

A key ingredient to the success of the Results Only Learning Environment is the sidebar, a one-to-one conversation with a student.

Skillful communicators use the sidebar to build bridges that create a student-teacher bond, which also fans the intrinsic motivation that helps students develop a thirst for learning. Kids who like and respect their teacher are always more willing to take on the learning challenges that the ROLE presents.

As a results-only teacher, I like to consider myself highly-efficient when it comes to using the sidebar. A recent issue with a student made me realize that you are never an expert at this complex part of student-teacher relationships.

I had an argument with a student in the classroom that became a disruption. It hit me later that our verbal sparring didn't settle the problem. In fact, the student wound up accomplishing nothing that day, so important project work time was lost. Even worse, our relationship was damaged.

After much consideration of what sparked the issue, I spoke to the student a few days later in a crucial sidebar. While others worked out of earshot, I whispered to her that I undestood her problems -- some pretty big ones that extend outside of school. I admitted that personal issues often get in the way of school and can ignite anxiety and frustration that can easily lead to disagreements with teachers, who are focused on their lessons.

She was somber and understanding. I asked her to do me a favor and to stop and think about this conversation the next time I did or said something that might upset her. This way, we would avoid disagreements. She promised that she would and, I believe, we built a bridge that didn't exist previously.

I left that conversation wondering what other students I could talk to in a sidebar and potentially build bridges like this one. Sidebars are time-consuming and challenging but one of the most worthwhile parts of creating a learning community.

The next time a student is frustrating you or being disruptive, ask yourself if you can build a bridge instead of tearing one down.

Can you inspire like Mr. Holland?

This is one of my all-time favorite movie scenes about inspiration. I find myself always searching for my own "Play the sunset" phrase that will inspire a student like Mr. Holland inspires Miss Lang.

So, do you have an inspirational phrase?

The impact of self-evaluation

This is a guest post by Joey Till, who teaches math to 7th graders in Indiana. With a large amount of students on free and reduced lunch, Till is dealing with reluctant learners on a daily basis. Till has made the conversion to a Results Only Learning Environment this year. 

Giving Grades. . . Without Really Giving Grades

Each student and I have a quick 2 - 4 minute conversation about what they learned from the project and how they contributed to their group (if it was a group project).  The student and I talk about their grade and what they deserve. We together come to an agreement on what they deserve, (and) with the exceptions of a few cases the kids are usually dead on.

It has been amazing to see the positive things from these conversations, as opposed to handing back a piece of paper with a grade on it.

When kids have to look you in the face and say they did poorly because they didn’t do their best, you can really see the disappointment in their face. Almost every kid has shown improvement. In some cases, major improvements.

On the other hand, it is so nice to see the grin when you tell a student how great they did, especially kids that have struggled with Math in the past. I have really seen the confidence growing in many of my students, which in a Math class is always an issue.

These short conversations have been invaluable with my students. I really feel like I have a better handle on what they know and don't know through these conversations. I also feel like I know the students much better than I ever have at this point in the year. 

Rapport-building in the ROLE

Photo credit: ImpactLearning.com

In the post, "Dealing with reluctant learners," I emphasize the power of rapport-building with students as a way to get reluctant learners to embrace results-only learning. At the end of that post, I promised to share some examples.

The simple sidebar
Not unfamiliar to any teacher, the simple sidebar is the chat that is in some cases completely unrelated to the content of the class. It's what appears to be nothing more than small talk; questions like, "Did you have a good weekend, Erica?" or "How did your band concert go? I wish I could have been there, David." As insignificant as these sidebars appear, they go a long way to cementing good student-teacher rapport, as they show genuine care and, sadly, many students don't believe teachers care about them.

The private chat
The results-only teacher, I believe, does more with the private chat than the traditional teacher. Where a traditional classroom teacher uses the private chat to threaten consequences, the ROLE teacher pulls a student aside to re-emphasize what the student needs to be an effective part of the learning community. A private chat with a reluctant learner might look like this:

Teacher: "I think that you are socializing a bit too much, and it's keeping you and your group from meeting your project goals."
Student: "I don't like this project; I think it's boring."
Teacher: "Hmm., did you forget that you have choice in the project? Maybe you should choose a different part, or create a project of your own."
Student: "I can do that?"

Granted, the student is not this agreeable in every case and, sometimes, a subsequent private chat is necessary. The key is to keep them positive and focused on the goals; emphasize that the student plays a valuable role in a small group and a larger learning community.

Self-deprecating humor
In my traditional teacher days, I used sarcasm with students. It took me many years to learn that sarcasm never helps and, in many cases, can leave long-lasting scars on student-teacher relationships. I have since replaced sarcasm with self-deprecating humor, something all students appreciate.

I often ask students to repeat an earlier instruction -- nothing revolutionary. I usually say it in a self-deprecating way: "Someone remind me where we're meeting tomorrow; you know, when  you get to be my age, the memory is the first thing to go."

Many teachers seem to be born with this easy-going style. For those of you who are not, it's easy to adapt to it. If I did it, anyone can (see, self-deprecating humor).

Dealing with reluctant learners

Even a Results Only Learning Environment has reluctant learners. In most cases, they are reluctant because of the many years of traditional teaching that have made them believe school is boring and learning is not fun or necessary.

Photo credit: eHow.com

Often, reluctant learners are resistant to even the freedom and engagement that at ROLE offers. The best way to engage these students is to interact with them often and work on building rapport.

Teachers have to fight the immediate urge to discipline reluctant learners, who may also appear disruptive. They socialize more, leave their seats and resist completing class activities. I used to send these students to our Student Management Room, which is nothing short of a detention center.

My justification for using the SMR as a disciplinary tool was that reluctant learners were distracting the rest of the classes from completing activities.

Now, as a results-only teacher, I realize that anytime a student is not in my classroom, she is losing an opportunity to develop a thirst for learning. Overcoming the years of conditioning that reluctant learners have received from traditional teachers is challenging.

The best way to "turn these kids around" is constant rapport-building. Reluctant learners do not readily view teachers as their friends. More likely they see teachers as authority figures, who only desire to control students.

Be sure to watch for the next post on specific examples of how to build rapport with reluctant learners in a results-only classroom.

Can you cry in front of your students?

I showed the video below to my students on Patriot Day. During the video, I had tears in my eyes. Students seemed genuinely surprised that a teacher would get emotional in class.

It was a powerful, rapport-building moment. So, can you bring yourself to cry in front of your students?